So I haven't updated this thing in weeks again. I'm GETTING BETTER ABOUT IT. e.@
Um. There's really nothing to say. Bigger company bought our company out and shit is hitting the fan, still can't drive my car.
The guy who came over to fix it for me, Bill, died . . . three weeks ago I think, now. RIP Bill, you were great! <3
Sarah's gettin' married. 8D HUZZAH! I can't wait.
I might quit my job 'cause everyone there sucks.
. . .So as you can see, everything is basically the same. :D
. . .
Oh and I got a new icon. FEAR SHADOW. D
Has it honestly been five months since I updated this thing? Huh.
Not that anyone reads it, but I suppose for my own piece of mind.
Lots of things have happened. I went to Portland to see Sarah back in August, it was lots of fun! I went to the state fair with her brother, Joe, and then we went to Kumoricon. I cosplayed Franziska von Karma from Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, and I met three of my online friends, Meygan, Jared, and Justin. It was a blast.
I'm still at my same old crappy job, still not doing much. I can't believe it's almost been a year since my grandma Joy passed away. This is going to be a hard month, I've already discovered.
I've lost weight, which is good -- but what's startling me, is that my hair is starting to fall out again. People say it's from stress. . . but I'm not sure.
Mom made her six months at her new job, she got her brown shirts. They're trying to recruit me, but. . .
I still don't have a car. The thing isn't in my name still, the battery is shot already. . . and I've had it here five months. That's really sad.
Buddy, our Shi Tzu has glucoma now. He's completely blind. I don't think our chiuahua, Rocko, is feeling well either.
I'm not feeling well myself -- something's very wrong, and if I told anyone, you'd all think I was crazy. So, I'll. . . not say anything. I dunno. . .
I got sued a few months ago. Some guy who was stalking me. . . bah. We won. Patty in the office quit. . . she was awesome. I'll miss her.
I have a baby macaw now, his name is Luna. Oh, I found out Yak Yak is actually a boy and not a girl. Funny, eh?
The house -- this one -- is still pending. I'm unable to get a credit card ANYWHERE as I have no credit, and uh, yeah. Thus, I cannot get a loan anywhere, either. Ugh. We'll figure something else out I guess. For now, I'm looking for a second job. . . haha.
Heather turned twenty one on the seventh of October, but we haven't been talking much. . . again. Was hanging out with Brit for a while too, but now we're not talking too much again.
My old computer decided to explode last weekend while I was on the phone with John, Mike, Bryan, and Nick. o-o; Just up and exploded literally. So now I have this new one.
. . .I miss my old one.
Feh. Mom will be up for work soon. Why am I not in bed? I took yesterday off, and they closed the plant today. Whoop-dee-doo.
. . .Yeah. See you in another five months probably. XD
So, I got my car today. I still can't drive it -- not until August. It's not registered, and um, I had a bit of an adventure with it. I sort of forgot how to drive SUV's. We'll leave it at that.
I get it home and park it in the driveway [where I live, if your tags are expired, which mine are, you can't park your car in the street], and I realize "HEY. I CAN'T PARK MY CAR HERE, THERE'S LOTS OF BRANCHES THAT WILL SCRATCH IT UP!" So I spent the next two hours hacking away in the one hundred and fifteen degree heat. Regardless, my battle with the tree was fought, and I won. Fucking thing.
I cried a bit when I drove home in the car -- it was the first time I'd driven the car since grandma's been gone. I kept looking in the passenger side seat, and. . . well, thinking 'Wow. A year ago, she was sitting there, and we were going to Big Lots or K-Mart'.
Then I kept thinking back to when she bought the car, and -I- was in the passenger seat while -she- drove it. Hm.
A guy sort of unnerved me the other night. He led me on for the second time, and, well. . . my feelings were hurt. They still are, but. . . some of you know who he is, so I'm not going to mention any names. I'm not mad at him or anything, just. . . a bit disappointed.
The song I'm listening to now, is what I'll be choreograhping my audition for 'So You Think You Can Dance?' to. If anyone wants it, drop ur e-mail addresses and I'll send it over. <3 It's an awesome remix. The song itself -- the lyrics -- describe how I sort of feel about my grandma.
So this has been an interesting few weeks.
Went to see Pirates 3. Thought it sucked.
Um, my grandma's house sold. I got my car out yesterday, it's being fixed. I have all of my things out of the car now too, but my old DS, along with Phoenix Wright, is gone. At least I have clothes now. Still can't drive the car, not until August. Now we start on this house.
Dance Etc. still hasn't contacted me on dance classes. Go figure.
No one seems to call me back. Sort of disheartening, but. . . what can you do.
I'm getting contacts tomorrow.
I'm going to start swimming again.
Yesterday at work [I wasn't there], a man who could easily be my father and who was obsessed with me, was fired. He, apparently, began to threaten everyone.
I come into work today, and get pulled into the owner's office. He threatened to kill my boss, and the owner was afraid the man would kidnap me. So the entire building was on lockdown, I had to talk to a lot of people, I have to file a report tomorrow, and the building now has a restraining order against this man.
. . .
I'm also training a new girl at work, Raquel. Maybe I'll have a new friend? I dunno.
Things only seem to be getting worse here. Nothing good ever comes out of anything for me anymore. I'm finding it harder and harder to go on as the days pass, but there has to be a light at the end of the tunnel someday, right? Yeah. Sure.
. . .Whatever.
I want to try out for So You Think You Can Dance? next year. I'll fail hardcore, but, you never know. Might as well try, right? The song I'm going to try out to is a remix of the song 'Hurt', by Christina Aguilera. It reminds me of my grandmother, ergo, I will be dedicating it to her.
The pain inside from her loss is getting worse, too. Yesterday, the real estate agent wanted my asshole sister in law and I to go into the house, but I refused, and Crystal did, too. It was hard enough being in the garage -- I even had to drive grandma's power chair outside. It was really, really sad.
It's already been eight months since grandma's been gone. Well, almost eight months -- on the twelveth of July. I don't think I'm ever going to get over this.
I don't sleep much anymore. Big whoop. The Taco Man at Taco Bell is also creeping me out a lot. Everything is, really. Well. . . regardless.
. . .Not that any of this matters. No one ever reads it, anyways.
Mom got a new job. I applied too, but failed their fucking test. Oh well. Mom works six pm to six AM as a trash bag inspector/tester. Huzzah.
I'm still at shitty Intech. Brother took three hundred bucks from me last week, and mom took almost six hundred in total from me. Hurray, I'm fucked again. Hahaha, mom comes home with three hundred dollar pay checks, too. . .
Joeseph at work thinks he found me another job though -- it pays seventeen fifty an hour, and all I have to do is type fifty words per minute, which, I easily can. So hopefully. . . hm.
WELP. Erin's first dance recital was last night, omg she was adorable. I ran into Amy and Desi Arnaz [Lucille Ball's daughter-in-law and son], and she wanted me to join the studio again. She doesn't own it, but mentioned that Miss Anna [the new owner] is giving adult tap lessons. I'm going to check tap AND Irish tap, but we'll see. Irish tap = two years tap experience. . . I have THIRTEEN years tap experience, but it's been a while, so who knows if Anna will let me do Irish. Um, or if they let adults do Irish for that matter. XD;
Next year, I shall be checking Tap, Irish [if they offer it >>], and ballet. If they don't offer Irish this year, I'll do ballet again. I'll be in the recital next year, and since I'll be with the ballet company again, I'll be doing other productions during the year, such as The Nutcracker, Swan Lake. . .etc, etc.
So yeah, I'm jazzed -- I can only pray I can afford this. @_@; Dancing is very expensive, especially in this studio, founded by Lucille Ball's son [Lucille Ball = red head from I Love Lucy] and his wife. It's well renouned. . . I'm SO jazzed. I can't wait to start performing again.
Well, this is lame. Nothing good has happened, at all.
Mom and I had a HUGE argument this morning, I won't go into the details, but I cried all day at work. She wouldn't let me eat lunch because we had to "talk" and this talk consisted of her telling me her COPD was killing her faster. So more crying ensued.
Yeah. Hurray. Y'know I'd really, really like to move the fuck away from here, but that just isn't going to be in the cards unless I can make some money.
There was a job I wanted -- as a flight attendant. . . however, you have to be twenty one for the job so that sucks. Ugh.
H & R Block fucked my taxes up. Huzzah.
Hm, wtf else has happened.
. . .Um, yeah. Erin's first dance recital is on Friday. Whooooooop.
Well, at one this morning, I went to bed. At three this morning, I wake up to hear mom yelling and screaming and throwing shit around. So naturally, I am upset at being woken up. I get up to see wtf is going on, only to have her EXPLODE on me.
She begins to scream in my face about how horrible I am, how everything is my fault. . . so I get pissed. Yell and scream back, call her insane. . . then she takes it out on the dog. I tell her to calm down, which only makes matters worse -- apparently, said dog [the german shepard, Grace] woke her up and she was pissed off. So I got mad, and basically yelled 'THEN HAVE THE DOG PUT TO SLEEP I DON'T CARE, DO THE DOG A FAVOR' and she grabs her keys and stands, saying she's leaving. This is never good, because my mother has suicidal tendancies. So I grabbed her arm and pulled her back, in which she screamed in my face. I all but shoved her down onto the couch and took the keys from her. Yeah. Then I tried to help by TRYING to put medicine in the dog's ear, and mom freaked 'cause it was the wrong ear. Once again I didn't do the right thing, so. . . she got mad again.
I don't know what time it was -- five AM I think -- which I finally got her to calm down. She told me to go back to bed, so I did, praying she wouldn't off herself while I slept. I woke up an hour ago, to go back to the same thing -- minus the yelling and screaming.
She never thinks of me -- only herself. Grandma was like that, too. . . but I don't dare tell her she's acting just like grandma. A spoiled child. . .
How does she think I feel? I asked her that last night, and she brushed it off as though I had no feelings. I don't really know what the hell to do anymore -- I never do anything right, so. . . I pray she moves. I really do. I don't want to be here anymore, I -can't- be here anymore. I'm starting to hate my life again, and it's her fault. Everything is her fault.
Well. Today was interesting.
Woke up and went to work as usual. Work has been slow. . . I think they're going to start laying us off. We get there, there's nothing for my mom and I do to, so we volunteer to use a vacation day each and just leave. So we leave.
Went down to the cemetery to see grandma. Got there, and like. . . we were crying, there for less than a minute, and the sprinklers came on. xD [It's seven AM at this point] So we ran like hell back to the car.
Went home, slept again until eleven AM, left for Walmart-- oh, did I mention my mom got another bird? A cockatoo. Her name is Bella. I think I already mentioned it but yeah. Went to Judy's too so mom could make another payment on the bird, since she's home now.
Dropped mom off at home, left again on my own and down to the mall I went. First time I've been there since grandma passed. First time in four months I've been out of Boulder City, really. . .
Got a new bra [IT PUSHES MY BOOBS UP REALLY HIGH I LOVE IT.], food, and a banana smoothie, and left. Went back to the cemetery and bought grandma a ground vase, it'll be installed on Monday. Went to the gravesite and talked to her for a few minutes, went to Ralph's grave and said hi, and went home. Now I'm just. . . here.
I've been thinking about my grandmother a lot lately. Not sure why. . . hm. Weird.
Well, isn't this just fucking lovely. Almost one AM, and I just got out of the shower. The shower = has been broke because mother doesn't take care of anything. Before I came, it hadn't been used in YEARS. Mom always used grandma's.
Well, the drain doesn't work. It takes it a loooong ass time to drain, so you have to plunge it. Mom flipped the fuck out because it refuses to drain now, and she HAS to take a bath tomorrow. So apparently, although I've once again had to cut down to one fucking shower a week [which is ew, I hate it -- I cannot stand not showering for more than two days], it is my fault the drain is broken. So she's been yelling and screaming and cursing at me for the last few minutes.
I can't waaaaait to get this will shit settled so I can get the fuck out of here. Ugh. I cannot stand her attitude much longer.