Liz (coconuts_r_us) wrote,
Liz
coconuts_r_us

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Well, at one this morning, I went to bed. At three this morning, I wake up to hear mom yelling and screaming and throwing shit around. So naturally, I am upset at being woken up. I get up to see wtf is going on, only to have her EXPLODE on me.

She begins to scream in my face about how horrible I am, how everything is my fault. . . so I get pissed. Yell and scream back, call her insane. . . then she takes it out on the dog. I tell her to calm down, which only makes matters worse -- apparently, said dog [the german shepard, Grace] woke her up and she was pissed off. So I got mad, and basically yelled 'THEN HAVE THE DOG PUT TO SLEEP I DON'T CARE, DO THE DOG A FAVOR' and she grabs her keys and stands, saying she's leaving. This is never good, because my mother has suicidal tendancies. So I grabbed her arm and pulled her back, in which she screamed in my face. I all but shoved her down onto the couch and took the keys from her. Yeah. Then I tried to help by TRYING to put medicine in the dog's ear, and mom freaked 'cause it was the wrong ear. Once again I didn't do the right thing, so. . . she got mad again.

I don't know what time it was -- five AM I think -- which I finally got her to calm down. She told me to go back to bed, so I did, praying she wouldn't off herself while I slept. I woke up an hour ago, to go back to the same thing -- minus the yelling and screaming.

She never thinks of me -- only herself. Grandma was like that, too. . . but I don't dare tell her she's acting just like grandma. A spoiled child. . .

How does she think I feel? I asked her that last night, and she brushed it off as though I had no feelings. I don't really know what the hell to do anymore -- I never do anything right, so. . . I pray she moves. I really do. I don't want to be here anymore, I -can't- be here anymore. I'm starting to hate my life again, and it's her fault. Everything is her fault.
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